


the evenness i fake

by sarahyyy



Series: Friends with Benefits (with Feelings!) [1]
Category: S.C.I.谜案集 | S.C.I. Mystery (TV)
Genre: (okay fair enough at this point yutong hasn't figured his shit out yet so he gets a pass), Friends With Benefits, M/M, Pining, dumbasses in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 05:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16111826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahyyy/pseuds/sarahyyy
Summary: Zhan Yao has known for years now that Bai Yutong would be the death of him one day. He just never imagined that it would go down like this, with Yutong sitting on Zhan Yao’s desk, asking Zhan Yao to consider having sex with him.





	the evenness i fake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thewickling (Diviana)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diviana/gifts).



> I hope this gives you the motivation you need to finish that cup fic! <333

Zhan Yao has known for years now that Bai Yutong would be the death of him one day. He just never imagined that it would go down like this, with Yutong sitting on Zhan Yao’s desk, asking Zhan Yao to consider having sex with him. 

“You’re actually serious?” 

Yutong nods. “As death,” he says.

Zhan Yao stares at him, and prays that he’s going to wake up from this absurd dream soon. 

“Think about it!” Yutong leans closer. “We’ve got to lose our virginities at some point, and honestly, I’d rather lose mine to you over anyone else in this godforsaken school.”

Zhan Yao pinches himself discreetly. It hurts. He really isn’t dreaming; Bai Yutong is finally trying to murder him.

“Zhan Yao,” Yutong whines. “Do it for science.”

“For science,” Zhan Yao echoes, incredulous, and Yutong perks up at his response, glad to have finally gotten Zhan Yao to engage in this discussion. 

“Yeah, you like science! Treat it as an experiment,” Yutong says, excited. “I’ve got a couple of things that I’m intrigued about, as I’m sure you must have as well, but we’ll try _everything_! By the time this whole arrangement we have is over, we’ll not only have figured out what we like in bed, we’ll be so fucking fantastic at having sex from all the practise we’ll have gotten. There are only pros to this plan, zero cons!”

Zhan Yao can feel his cheeks heat at the thought of having sex with Yutong, and it only grows worse when Yutong grins at him. “Why are you like this?” he asks plaintively, even though he knows it’s already a small mercy that Yutong isn’t teasing him about the redness of his cheeks.

“I’m just so tired of my right hand, okay?” Yutong says with a sigh. “This could be fun. You’re due to have some fun in life, Xiao Yao.”

Zhan Yao sighs. 

_Xiao Yao._

Yutong only ever brings out that nickname when he’s really angling for a favour. And Zhan Yao has tragically never been able to say no to him once the nickname has been brought out. 

“Please?” Yutong says. “Please, Xiao Yao, please?”

Zhan Yao prays for strength, and tries to remember why he’s in love with this idiot. 

It’s probably the proximity - ever since he can remember, Bai Yutong has basically been his only friend. He’s probably been accidentally conditioned into loving him. If he had more friends around him, maybe he’d have been able to spare himself the pain of this whole situation where he’s gone and foolishly fallen in love with his best friend who is now asking him to have sex with him. For _science_. 

Fuck, Zhan Yao really needs to meet more people. 

“Talk me through it,” he says, instead of _“definitely the fuck not”_ , which every bit of reason in him is screaming at him to say. 

It’s enough of a soft-approval to Yutong’s plan that Yutong beams at him.

Zhan Yao’s chest tightens. God, he likes Bai Yutong so fucking much.

“What’s there to talk through?” Yutong asks. “Everything will be exactly the way it is now, but with the bonus of mutual orgasms. Lots of it.”

He can do mutual orgasms. That’s something that Zhan Yao can absolutely do. 

It’s not as if it hasn’t already happened before, not that Yutong would know that Zhan Yao secretly gets off to the muffled sounds of Yutong touching himself in the bunk bed above Zhan Yao’s, that he gets so hard listening to the curses and the moans that Yutong tries to keep silent.

There have been nights where he wonders what Yutong’s lips would feel like against his own, what Yutong would taste like when Zhan Yao licks into his mouth, whether Yutong would shudder under his touch, what Yutong’s face looks like when he comes. And here Yutong is, offering him an opportunity to find out. It is, admittedly, not a bad plan. 

Everything will be exactly the way it is now. They will still be best friends. Zhan Yao will lose nothing but gain _so much_.

He’s already opening his mouth to agree to Yutong’s plan when Yutong adds, “But maybe no kissing, though.” Zhan Yao swallows down the disappointment bubbling inside him, and doesn’t give voice to the question he so badly wants to ask, but Yutong must read something on his face, because he says, “It’ll be _weird_ if we do. It’s a little intimate, don’t you think?”

“As opposed to everything else you’re saying we should do?” Zhan Yao asks. 

“That’s different,” Yutong is quick to explain. “Kissing is...something you do when feelings are involved. Orgasms are not.” 

Zhan Yao hears the unspoken _“I don’t like you like that”_ in Yutong’s words loud and clear. 

Yutong nudges at him. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

To be able to actually touch Yutong, to have Yutong touch _him_ … Zhan Yao craves that so much. But to have that, and know that it doesn’t mean anything more than just physical release to Yutong? Zhan Yao doesn’t know if he’ll be able to survive it.

“Yeah, I do,” Zhan Yao says quietly. “We’re just doing this together because it’s convenient.”

Because Zhan Yao was the safest person to ask. The most convenient person to ask as well, considering how they room together.

If… If Zhan Yao says no, the most logical next step for Yutong would be to go to the next person in line in terms of convenience. 

Zhan Yao might actually _die_ if that happens, and so he must agree to Yutong’s plan. 

But everything else must remain the same, if they do this, because that’s what Yutong wants. And that includes the fact that Zhan Yao must never let Yutong find out about Zhan Yao’s feelings for him.

Zhan Yao can do that. He can do that if Yutong wants that.

“ _Yes_.”

“Because doing this with anyone else would be messy, and we don’t have the time for that,” Zhan Yao continues. 

He has to remind himself of Yutong’s intentions. If he is to do this, if he is to give in to this selfishness, he has to be clear of what Yutong wants.

“ _Yes_ ,” Yutong says, looking so relieved that Zhan Yao understands him.

If all Yutong wants from him is just this, just mutual orgasms with no feelings involved, then Zhan Yao is going to make it work. 

Dissociation of feelings. He can do that. 

Probably.

With some time. 

He’s good at keeping his feelings to himself anyway, right?

“Alright,” he says after a long pause. There was no way that he would’ve said no to Yutong, and Yutong already knows that. He wouldn't have asked Zhan Yao if he thought there was a possibility that Zhan Yao would say no; Yutong knows him better than Zhan Yao knows himself, sometimes. “That actually makes more sense than I thought it would.”

Yutong beams at him again, and Zhan Yao resigns himself to an inevitable death at the hands of Bai Yutong

“What do we want to try first?” he asks Yutong. He recalls the many nights he’s spent wishing the hand on his cock belonged to Yutong instead, and thinks it’s probably okay to be a little selfish and grant himself one fantasy. “Handjobs?”

Yutong pounces at him.

**Author's Note:**

> I..........had other WIPs that I promised to finish, I know, but look, blame this on AndSoTheUniverseEnded who left me a comment on "with nobody else but me" that made my writing brain go _oh no I must Do The Thing_. 
> 
> As usual, I'm [here on Tumblr](http://sarah-yyy.tumblr.com/post/178507228278/the-evenness-i-fake-sarahyyy-sci%E8%B0%9C%E6%A1%88%E9%9B%86), come say hi! :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [我假装若无其事](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690289) by [lululuchen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululuchen/pseuds/lululuchen), [sarahyyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahyyy/pseuds/sarahyyy)




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